If You’re Not Feeling Supported, Maybe You’re Not Supporting?

It’s been my experience that when I start questioning why I’m being treated in an undesirable manner, it’s far more beneficial that I turn my curiosity inward.

Why am I attracting this? How am I treating others?
A book I read gave me this incredible insight. It was this idea that even when I feel like I am being used, I am benefiting from it.

It might have been “The Artist Way” by Julia Cameron.

I know, it sounds ridiculous at first. The best example I can share, is when I felt used by people in the music industry, aside from your standard industry cost of entry bullshit, I benefited because the exchange was I got to hide. As much as I wanted to be in “the game” I was painfully shy, awkward and desperately (more than anything) wanted to hide.

There was a time I didn’t feel supported at all. This was in large part due to the fact that my home environment didn’t offer much in the kind of support I needed at different stages of my life.
However, my part in perpetuating this dynamic was taking this storyline into my life outside of that environment and running the script over and over.

On a deeply subconscious level, I would write myself into the lives others in a perfectly comfortable and unsupported environment.

It goes without saying that we don’t step out on our own knowing things we weren’t taught, but there comes a time when that just isn’t an acceptable excuse anymore.

We know what we need and we know what we wish we had growing up. That is the biggest indicator of what we need to give.

In some way, the things I felt deprived of are starting to serve as indicators for who I want to be in this world. It makes me emotional just typing these words.

I wasted so much time being angry and consumed with what I needed, yet it was so profoundly simple the whole time.

Give!

It used to be hard to be vulnerable with someone by expressing my support and appreciation. If I wanted to compliment someone, I used to hold back. It made me deeply uncomfortable. What if they weren’t nice? What if they were straight up rude?!

The words would get stuck in my throat. Being inspired by another woman was even more difficult to express, because I was so used to women being competitive and mean.

Oh and just to clarify, supporting others isn’t kissing celebrity ass on social media hoping to get noticed or “put on”, and sharing pictures of Beyoncé.

I’m talking about your friends, acquaintances, the people who quietly inspire you, the people on your mood board, your favorite independent artists, your relatives.

As a creative who also connects with people through music, I have been blessed with the kindness, openness and love of people who listen to my music and support me as an artist. They have taught me so much about the power of their vulnerability.

To reach out to me not knowing how I might react with this pure and beautiful intent to let me know what something I did means to them has been a light on some of my darkest days.

They have no idea.

Experiencing the power of that helped me to release any attachments around expressing such vulnerability myself.

This one thing has changed my life. It was awkward at first because I just wasn’t used to it, trust me I had to practice.

Not only does it feel incredibly fulfilling and joyful to allow myself to share my appreciation when I feel moved to, it's the #1 reason why I feel more supported than ever.

Are some people still weird? Sure, but rarely. When they are it doesn’t bother me anymore because I know I’m giving something pure and I genuinely feel sadness on their behalf when they’re not in a space to receive it. It’s ok. I’ll still be here if/when they experience a shift. I don’t stop showing support, if I feel moved to I will still do it.

I’m not giving to receive. It just feels amazing to give. You wanna feel rich?

Give.

Now, I want to take a moment to acknowledge that sometimes it your work environment. Maybe miserable peer or boss. The give rule still applies.

It gives you energy and helps you to be more resilient. How? Well you’re not expecting what you need from them anymore.

So their power is diminished.

They can push you to edge and bring you to a mini breakdown. I promise you, you will have more bounce back power than you’ve ever had before.

We’re human, so nothing is going to make us exempt from human stuff but we can make this whole thing way more enjoyable.

Be generous with the very thing you need. You’ll eventually find yourself amazed at how much it’s no longer lacking in your life after a while.

However small the gesture, make it.
I promise you, it’s not insignificant.

I blame the world for convincing us our efforts need to be on some grand scale, the kind you wait until “insert arbitrary fame and fortune centered goal here” happens.

Don’t wait. This is a classic way we play small.

You have no idea the light you can bring to the life of someone you don’t think needs any light.

You might not even have any idea how much you have to give.

Trust me, you are powerful.

Self Portrait. Makeup by me.